Whenever She’s Feeling Insecure…

I may be shocking at keeping up with this regular post writing thing, but we’ve hit my least favourite week of the year. Not only that, but its managed to be combined with stock take. I’m really enjoying my life right now, as I’m sure you can imagine (hello 11pm finish and 7am start, send me to sleep stat). But to the topic in hand, my hatred of Valentines Day. Its not even for the reasons that people expect, aka I’m bitter and lonely. I’m not, I’m actually pretty much fine now I’ve finally come to the conclusion that no one wants me. I mean look at me: I’m currently sat in bed having eaten fish and chips and I’m listening to the football in football pjs. Just what every guy wants to wake up next to. 

I’m not one to bang on about how miserable my love life is, because well we haven’t got time for that really. It’s a very long story that just involves a fair few dickheads, a fair amount of objectification, some really really horrid moments and quite a few times where I’ve been made to feel (and to be honest, I’ve been) ignored and feel completely unwanted and inadequate and quite frankly like nobody will ever want me. It’s a good job that I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. It’s hard to feel optimistic about this week when there’s a barrage of advertising reminding you that yep, you’re alone, and images like this that make you fell like you’re the smallest, most unwanted thing in the world (or is that just me?)

(Yeah, I’m never going to look like that…)

That’s the problem with Valentines. Expectations. This is severely not helped by working in a lingerie store where its expected that you’ll spend your night looking stunning in flimsy pieces of lace and having the time of your life. It’s total fun to paste a smile on my face and ask people their plans and tell them how amazing it all sounds. Just what I’ve always wanted to do with my days. This isn’t  y idea of fun. I’m not pretty, I’m not skinny and lord I don’t do sexy, you’ll instead get a super serving of awkwardness with a dash of uncomfortableness just for good measure. God knows I’ve tried to change, but when every moment pretty mush seems to end up with rejection you just kind of give up. I’ve faced the fact that I’m not the pretty one, my sister is stunning (a great confidence boost right there) and I’m never going to be skinny as a) food is excellent and b) I can bake cakes. Who needs anything else in life?

At the minute I’m plagued with questions of what my plans are for that dreaded night. Bed and Ben & Jerry’s is the only possible plan and I’m fine with that. Those two are the only two I need in my life right now with the excessive stress of work and I’m going to have an excellent time switching off after another stupid shift to watch a film (please suggest some to me at @Emily_Solan). And how else to celebrate? Well when payday arrives next week, I get to do some shopping and treat myself to excellent treats for me and my room, such as this: http://www.wearedorothy.com/shop/song-map-original-open-edition/ (so perfect). I might even force someone to come to the fair with me. Oh and the LEGO movie is out (dream Valentine’s date right there, LEGO geek for life!)

At least I have a long list of gigs to distract myself with, including Johnny Marr at the Brude (oh how I love that place), The Manics, Franz Ferdinand, the excellent NME tour, Temples, The Orwells, We Are Scientists and Warpaint next week. Who needs anything else when there are boys with guitars to stare at?! Let’s just not discuss the fact that Queens Of The Stone age have announced a date in Chicago at my favourite venue and I’m not going. Harrumph…

(You never know, I might change my mind and post a soppy ridiculous post this weekend, you shall have to see)


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